Leaving America Questionnaire #19
Drew Lombardi, urban policy analyst, 19th arrondissement
What drives Americans to leave home and settle elsewhere? That question has been on my mind for many years. This series, Leaving America, seeks to uncover the multitude of reasons and lessons learned—beginning with Americans in and around Paris. Become a paid subscriber to access this newsletter’s archives.
The first Leaving America conversation of 2026 comes after a whirlwind of destabilizing and violent events in the first weeks of the year, reigniting the discussion online of do we or don’t we leave if we can. I am in the midst of closing a long, reported essay for The Bitter Southerner (coming out in March!) around the broader theme of leaving —what it means, why Americans have always done so, and how it feels in this particular moment—so the arguments for and against leaving are fresh. This series, as you've seen, doesn’t merely address the geopolitical motivations that have prompted Americans to leave, although that does play a role, and I intend to continue highlighting the diversity of reasons pushing people abroad because, ultimately, it presents a realistic picture of the American diaspora. However, I have included relevant, recent articles at the end of this newsletter that speak to the urgency of this particular moment.
What I appreciated about Drew Lombardi, today’s interview, from our emailing about this series was his honesty about how challenging the last eight years have been for him in Paris. As he put it, his story has not been one of ‘moved to Paris and lived happily ever after’. “It has been excruciating at points —the place has made me feel angry and dejected countless times.” His story isn’t uncommon, yet as we’ve seen, it’s the embellished stories that gloss over reality that get the most traction online. As you’ll see below, he’s honest about the economic, social and linguistic struggles, about the slow path to adapting, and to quote queen Rihanna, about finding love in a hopeless place.
Where was the last place you lived in the U.S.?
New York City. I left in 2017.
Did you intend to leave permanently or was the move temporary?
Temporary. The first week I was in Paris, I asked someone on the street for directions in broken French. The woman turned out to be American and we chatted for a minute. I told her my plan was to get my master’s degree and return to New York immediately after to resume my career path there. She said that had been her plan too, but that was 20 years ago. She predicted the same would happen to me, and so far, she was right.
Was there a pivotal moment when you knew your life would be best pursued elsewhere?
In April 2016, I blew out my knee in a freak accident playing basketball, tearing multiple ligaments and cracking my femur. I was on the couch 24/7 for the entire summer with nothing to do but think about life and follow the presidential campaign. I used the time to research master’s degrees in Europe in my field of urban policy, taught in English. My life in New York was fine, but I always had dreams of returning to Europe since my semester abroad in Prague in 2011, and I had nothing tying me down. The night Trump won clinched it. I declared that night, somewhat inebriated in the saddest bar in Brooklyn, that I was moving to Paris.
What sort of financial consideration did the move require, even if as a student initially? Does one need a plump savings account to make this work?
Money was a huge struggle for me at first, especially as a guy in his mid-20s who got used to a steady income while working in New York and had been reverted to student status. I grossly underestimated how much money I’d need – partly due to long delays in receiving my student loans thanks to the notoriously challenging task of opening a French bank account as a foreigner.
I recommend having at least $3-5K saved because emergencies and obstacles will come up and mistakes will be made. I learned the hard way that money in Europe is simply not as ‘liquid’ as in the US. Finding a job and getting paid can take a while. Americans probably would not believe my stories about how hard it is to open a bank account here, or how hard it can be to access your own money stored in a bank here due to regulations. These rules are in many ways very good, coming with more consumer protections than in the US, but it can be frustrating if you’re unaware of them.
Eating on a shoestring budget was not an issue, and getting around Paris can be done cheaply since it is so walkable. My Achilles heel was housing. I started looking for housing options online even before I left New York, and yet I spent my first semester moving into (and then quickly out of) terrible, overpriced chambres de bonnes and couchsurfing. There was one point I seriously considered sleeping in the metro station close to school while I fought to open a bank account where my student loans could finally land.
At what age did you leave? Looking back, was that too soon or too late?
I left New York at age 26. In a cosmic sense, I don’t believe in too early or too late – I think things happen when we’re ready and the universe is ready. But practically speaking, I found out once I arrived that you are entitled to a whole slew of student discounts including for museums, public transport, and more I’m sure—up until 26. if I had arrived a year earlier, I may have been able to scrimp more savings while enjoying life around town that first year.
When did you know you'd made the right [or wrong] call?
My relationship with Paris and France has been complicated. The first few years I wondered consistently whether I had made a huge mistake and thrown away a decent situation in New York. I was as broke at the time I finished my master’s degree at age 28 as I was when I finished my bachelor’s at age 22, and there was this creeping fear I had gone backwards. I came to Paris speaking virtually no French, and it turns out I am a slow study with languages, so integration has been a struggle. My master’s was so intense that there was little time for the cliched ‘flemmarding’ in cafes and bars that I thought I’d be doing most of the time.
I found a job after graduating in 2019 but went through a breakup during Covid and seriously considered leaving. But I had fought so hard through the difficult times that I felt I wanted to give Paris a chance with some money in my pocket post-pandemic, and try to establish my own relationship with it independent from my ex.
I knew I made the right call when I met my now wife through a mutual friend. We spent all summer of 2022 (the first time that things felt truly back to normal) exploring the city, taking day trips on our bikes, picnicking late into the night. That summer was magical, and it was worth the wait.
What does Paris offer you that your native home couldn’t and, perhaps, still can’t?
Once in a while, my mom will ask me when I will move back. I tell her that I’ll consider it once the U.S. has universal healthcare, reasonable college tuition, a strict ban on guns that eliminates mass shootings, and quality public transport. So, likely not any time soon, although I hope to be wrong.
Paris is walkable. It has an unparalleled density of cultural programming and activity. I’ve lived here 8 years now and every weekend that I go wandering in the streets I stumble on a shop, restaurant, square, or park I never knew existed.
It’s also within a short trip to hundreds of amazing places in Europe that are all unique. When I picture moving back to the U.S. and trying to plan a vacation to Europe with 10-15 vacation days a year (compared to 30 now) and an overnight flight (compared to a 2-hour flight or train ride), I can’t stomach it.
I love New York. I was not in a bubble in New York—I studied there and worked in local government there and was really in the trenches of the city. I don’t regret a second I spent there and I refuse to compare them outright. But there is something about the energy, intellectual stimulation, social programs, and location of Paris that is unrivaled.
Can you share any anecdotes about your highest and lowest moments in Paris?
Let’s start low and finish high.
A real low point was when I tried to move all my earthly possessions from my friend’s house in the 19th to my new apartment in Boulogne by public transit, since I couldn’t afford an Uber. I was lugging two suitcases, a duffel bag and a trash bag of clothes, riding one tram to the terminus and transferring to the next, trying to make it all the way around the edge of the city. The trash bag burst while on the second tram and my stuff scattered all over the ground. I wanted to just take my other bags and go right to the airport and fly home.
The only thing lower than that was celebrating my 30th birthday during Covid lockdown in my friend’s apartment where I was crashing a week after breaking up with my ex.
But there is only one obvious high point: marrying my wife in the Mairie du 19eme. It felt like the culmination of all my time here. When I proposed to my wife I told her that I was grateful for everything I had been through, because it had led me to her. I am so lucky to have met her and it meant everything to celebrate it in the neighborhood that (eventually) became my home. We only invited immediate family and mine had never visited me in Paris, so we spent the week showing them all that Paris (and our neighborhood) has to offer. Long before we were together, I always loved walking up to that Mairie, and Les Buttes Chaumont is easily my favorite park in Paris. I visit a few times a week, and it was a truly incredible thing to take our wedding photos there together with our families.
Are there aspects of American life that you long for?
Being from New England, I am an avid Boston sports fan, and I really miss connecting with my family, friends, and strangers over American sports. When Europeans try to make conversation with me about sports and I confess I don’t follow football (soccer) too closely, they always ask me, “Oh, you don’t like sports?” I love sports, my family is obsessed with sports, but I just have not succeeded in getting into soccer so far.
Watching games on replay in the morning when everyone back home is sleeping, avoiding text threads so the results don’t get spoiled for me, is hard. Missing the Celtics parade in Boston when they won the NBA championship in 2024 and everyone I know being there but me was... alot. The idea that my kid may not grow up playing baseball (which has little to no traction in Europe compared to basketball) bothers me.
I also really miss greasy spoon diners.
What book or movie do you most associate with the American experience abroad?
The Before series (Before Midnight, Before Sunrise, Before Sunset), directed by Richard Linklater, really moved me and made me fantasize about moving to Paris before I got here. I think it captures the romance – not just between men and women, but the romanticism – of drifting along in Paris, untethered from the work- and outcome-obsessed American mindset and letting life flow.
If you had to narrow it down to one, what is the greatest lesson living abroad has taught you about yourself and the world?
Whether it was finding an apartment, getting a job, or learning French, I learned that anything is possible if you don’t give up. I’m sorry to sound cliché but that’s exactly what I learned. If you hang in there, eventually you’ll catch a break. Someone once told me “don’t quit before the miracle happens.” There were many points (see above) where giving up on my effort to make it here would have been perfectly rational. But now, when I successfully deliver a professional presentation in French and think nothing of it, I have to take a second to be like, Holy shit, remember how you once found it impossible to order a croissant in French?
About the world: honestly the greatest lesson I learned about the world is that America is not #1 at anything except gun violence, obesity, and economic inequality among OECD countries. I have been humbled as an American over and over during my time abroad because of a set of preconceived notions and assumptions that nearly all Americans have hardwired into them. I have learned to respect the aptitude, history, culture, and perspective of people from other countries in a way I don’t think is truly possible until living abroad. I think many Americans believe they respect the rest of the world, but once you live in another country (which also thinks highly of itself), you realize how much unconscious bias you have.
Have you ever considered going back? (Why or why not)
I miss my family. I consider going back to be closer to my parents, my brother, and my nephews. Missing Thanksgiving is really hard, because unlike Christmas, it is uniquely American. I miss watching sports live with my family, yelling at the TV together in the same room.
Family is very important to me and it is painful for me to live so far away from them and see them so little. But so far, I’d like to think I’ve done well at going home for extended periods and making my time with them count. If I am able to continue to go home for a few weeks at a time and spend quality time with them while living here, I will continue to do so.
“Are you really OK with adapting to a new way of life—a new speed at work, on sidewalks, at restaurants —or are you looking for American life and American culture
set against the backdrop of Paris?” — Drew Lombardi
For those contemplating leaving the U.S., what do you suggest they consider most about the decision?
This is not Emily in Paris! Especially if you move to Paris. I can’t vouch for moving to other big cities or other countries, but for me, Paris felt like playing study abroad on expert mode. Are you OK with struggling to communicate, being broke, being confused and lonely, most of the time and for a while? Are you OK with forfeiting the progress you’ve made in your career in the U.S. so far, knowing that relocating here would likely require a lateral move or even a step back? Are you OK with being at a linguistic disadvantage in virtually every conversation you have? Are you really OK with adapting to a new way of life—a new speed at work, on sidewalks, at restaurants —or are you looking for American life and American culture set against the backdrop of Paris? When you are on your deathbed, are you going to regret not having at least tried it? That’s how I decided. I pictured myself on my deathbed, thinking about how I never lived outside of the country, and it made me sick to my stomach.
And most importantly, are you willing to watch your favorite team on tape delay?
ADDITIONAL READING
Some US citizens, grappling with issues from LGBTQ+ rights to the economy, are looking to the countries their families once left behind (The Guardian)
Fear, abuse and eroding rights have forced many trans people to leave the US – can they claim asylum in the Netherlands? (The Guardian)
When is it time to flee? (The New Republic)
Click here to read all previous Leaving America questionnaires. If you think a friend would enjoy The New Paris Dispatch, gift subscriptions are available here.
Thank you for this series. I'm a newly minted expat to Paris and reading and discovering stories related to this experience are easing my world view. Choosing a life outside the culture of childhood, and especially in a society like France with strict social codes, specificities of language, and increased globalization of culture is one worth documenting and dissecting.
The Leaving America series has been phenomenal, but this one really resonated. This quote, "honestly the greatest lesson I learned about the world is that America is not #1 at anything except gun violence, obesity, and economic inequality among OECD countries" so perfectly, and sadly, sums up the US right now.