Leaving America Questionnaire #12

Jay Swanson, video creator and entrepreneur, 16th arrondissement

What drives Americans to leave home and settle elsewhere? That question has been on my mind for many years. This series, Leaving America, seeks to uncover the multitude of reasons and lessons learned—beginning with Americans in Paris. Become a paid subscriber to access this newsletter’s archives!

Is it possible to “make it” in France with spare means? If I look to my friend Jay Swanson, the YouTuber and entrepreneur behind Paris in My Pocket¹, the answer is a resounding yes. Multiple chapters of his life have played out abroad, and since 2017, he’s been based in Paris full-time. The road to discovering himself and building a business hasn’t always been smooth or linear (neither has mine, for that matter). But he carries on with the confidence that he is in the right place, at the right time.

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Where was the last place you lived in the U.S.?
I bounced around for a couple of years as a consultant before landing in Spokane, Washington, for one last whirlwind of misery.

Did you intend to leave permanently or was the move temporary?
I always wanted to get to France and make it stick. Paris, more specifically, after I first came to the city in 2008. I tried Nice first; it wasn't for me. I moved to Paris again in 2012, but my visa only lasted a year, and there was no way to renew it. So in 2017, when I took a chance on a visa I really didn’t deserve, got lucky, and had a chance to move to Paris for real, I was fully committed to getting my French citizenship from the get-go so I would never have to risk losing my place in France again.

Was there a pivotal moment when you knew your life would be best pursued elsewhere?
I think I've always known it intrinsically. I didn't realize that what I was really fleeing was abuse in a variety of shapes and sizes. I wanted to “Go to France” from as far back as I can remember. As a result, I refused to study Spanish in school. My family never traveled, so it took me until my junior year in college to get out for the first time. It was a trip to Italy–a near miss! I was destined to leave.

What sort of financial consideration did the move require, even if as a student initially? Does one need a plump savings account to make this work?
This last time, I left the U.S. so deep in debt that I went bankrupt shortly after the move. I do not recommend this, but it worked out well. In an ideal world, I'd secure a stream of revenue, have enough savings for six months' rent (say goodbye to half of that upon signing for an apartment), and be cautious with my spending out of the gate.

At what age did you leave? Looking back, was that too soon or too late?
I moved to Nice right out of college, but was too broke and too American (no double citizenship to speak of) to make it stick. Visas are tricky, and I didn't have any obvious routes to getting one that didn't involve a pile of money I didn't have. I got to Paris in 2012, but couldn't make it last beyond the duration of a teaching visa that time either. I finally made it back for good in 2017, thanks to a combination of luck and desperation. In retrospect, I'd have loved to stay from the start, but I doubt I was ready.

Jay Swanson visiting L’Elysée

When did you know you'd made the right [or wrong] call?
I knew I had made the wrong call moving to Nice as an English teacher within a few months. I lived in the city center, a block from the sea, which sounds ideal. Despite my proximity to the Mediterranean, which I took advantage of with every stroll I could, I quickly realized that there wasn’t much going on for me. This was partially because I was broke as a joke, spending almost my entire teacher’s salary on rent, and partially due to the city's quieter, more closed-off vibe. I found the Niçois to be quite reclusive. I really knew the Nice chapter had been a mistake when I got to Paris for the first time later that year. Since, I have never once doubted that Paris is where I belong.

What does Paris offer you that your native home couldn’t and, perhaps, still can’t
The lifestyle, the language, the sense that I might actually be safe—none of these things are immutable, but they have been consistent enough for me to heal and grow in ways I would have been unable to in a place like Spokane.

Can you share any anecdotes about your highest and lowest moments in Paris?
The lowest might have been early on in my first stay in 2012. My file went missing from the payroll system of the NGO I worked for as they moved it between offices. And for some reason, the French government, for whom I was teaching English, opted not to pay me for the first two months. I had no money and was sleeping on the splintered parquet floor of an acquaintance's uncle, who occasionally asked me not to come back at night so his girlfriend could stay over. That was hard, but the weeks leading up to deciding to declare bankruptcy weren’t a picnic either.

The highest might have been obtaining French citizenship last year or recently being invited to the Elysée (presidential palace). Twice. I mean, what!?

Are there aspects of American life that you long for?
I do miss proactive customer service. I also miss a bit of banter with strangers. Thankfully, both are on offer just a train ride away in London, my favorite suburb of Paris.

What book or movie do you most associate with the American experience abroad?
This is probably the great cultural divide I have always felt with other expats and anglo immigrants. There aren’t any books or movies about living abroad that ever really spoke to me. There's Blood River, which helped me process my experience in the Congo, but every time I try reading accounts of life in France by those who have moved, I quickly lose interest. I guess it's like reading books about skydiving—it pales too dramatically when compared to the actual experience. I love contemporary accounts like Impossible City, which help uncover more of the modern social and political landscape of Paris, or histories like France Since 1870 which lay out their foundations. But books about buying baguettes and making mistakes in French conversation? I guess I'm lucky enough to live it.

If you had to narrow it down to one, what is the greatest lesson living abroad has taught you about yourself and the world?
I think the most profound lessons I learned about myself came from living in Western Africa. I had no choice in discovering how I handle life-threatening crises, and I learned how to navigate a world even more removed from the States than the one I found in France. I learned that when everything goes to shit, I can handle myself, and no matter where you drop me in the world, I can navigate.

Have you ever considered going back? (Why or why not)
No. I'm grateful for my American start, but I belong in Paris. I can't think of anything that the U.S. can offer me that France cannot, beyond breakfast burritos. I used to believe that one day I'd need to return to the U.S. to advance my career, but now I'd rather stay where I belong with the people I love, rather than relocate for nearly any reason. There is less money to be made locally for what I do, but my standard of living feels much higher. I’ll always maintain a connection to the States, and I hope to serve both of my countries as a cultural bridge, but I’m happy I get to do it from this side of the Atlantic.

For those contemplating leaving the U.S., what do you suggest they consider most about the decision?
There are a lot of fantasies around life in France, and many people end up in Paris for all of five minutes before they rage quit. Of course, that said, you're the only person who knows if you need to be here; don't let anyone (me included) tell you it isn't for you. Just know that it is really hard to make a life for yourself in France, and you should probably only consider it if it's something you cannot do without.

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1. Jay and I have partnered up! In his latest Paris in My Pocket guide, I share my thoughts on Paris hotels and ten recommendations for where to stay..