Leaving America Questionnaire #9
Matthew Avignone, photographer, 20th arrondissement
What drives Americans to leave home and settle elsewhere? That question has been on my mind for many years. This series, Leaving America, seeks to uncover the multitude of reasons and lessons learned—beginning with Americans in Paris. The questionnaire that follows will be the same for each guest. Become a paid subscriber to access this newsletter’s archives!
I came to Paris for the second and most decisive time on the cusp of my 21st birthday. By the end of the year, I was settled in for good and never lived in the U.S. again. But I know so many more people who made the move later in life—after starting their careers and building a life elsewhere. Matthew Avignone, a Korean-American photographer based in Paris since 2018, moved from Chicago with his Parisian wife shortly after learning she was expecting their first child. He left behind a big, tight-knit family and thriving photography career for a new start. Below, he talks about that journey— the highs, lows, and lessons learned.
Where was the last place you lived in the U.S.?
Chicago. After finishing my studies at Columbia College, not long after the 2007/2008 financial crisis, I was able to find a full-time position managing a photography gallery. That’s actually when I met my wife, who is French. The gallery I managed was located in River North, which, at that time, was a popular art gallery district. She was working at another photography gallery nearly across from mine. Little did we know that for four years we were working side-by-side. Until one day, another gallerist introduced us.
Did you intend to leave permanently or was the move temporary?
We got married in Chicago in 2016 and about a year later, we learned we were going to have a baby. It was super exciting! But we needed to make a very big decision. Either we stay in Chicago and raise our child there, which means we most likely never move to France, or we sell all our things, restart our lives, and move to Paris. She’s originally from Paris, so it wouldn’t be like starting from nowhere. An administrative issue helped make the decision for us–her H-1B visa ran out, and although we had already applied for her green card, it was denied on a technicality. Basically, when she submitted her application, she sent it right before we flew to Paris for Paris Photo. Technically, if you're not in the United States when they physically receive the application, you have no status. Your status reverts to zero, essentially, even though you hold a visa. We didn’t know that, however, for a year.
When they denied us, it was three months before we learned she was expecting. It was a question of, do we stay and fight this with a lawyer and restart the process, knowing that we wouldn’t be able to leave, which would mean having the baby in the U.S. and not being able to introduce the baby to my wife’s family. We said, okay, let’s go. At that point, I had a photography studio in Chicago, a car, and a dream apartment with rooftop views of the city, and we sold it all.
Was there a pivotal moment when you knew your life would be best pursued elsewhere?
After my wife’s green card had been denied and then when she told me she was pregnant, we really got to thinking. I felt like it could be an opportunity to give a different life to my future children. I’m really big on family. I was born in South Korea but adopted by a wonderful family, and all of my four brothers nd sisters are adopted. I knew what it would be like to raise a child in Chicago. At our income level, I don’t think it would have been easy without making some significant changes–like moving to the suburbs. One of the advantages of Paris is that it’s possible to have children in the city. I love that my kids can have that experience and that it’s not unusual.
What sort of financial consideration did the move require, even if as a student initially? Does one need a plump savings account to make this work?
I liquidated all my physical assets in Chicago to move and had about $10K in cash, that’s all. We couldn't have done it without the help of my amazing mother-in-law. Her name is Jeanne. She opened up her home to us. She had a large empty apartment, located in the 20th arrondissement, and welcomed us to live there and begin our life as a family. She didn’t charge us rent. It helped get us started, especially since I had to start my career over completely.
But we were lucky to have some connections already. My friend Tara, an American who had moved to Paris in her forties without knowing a soul, worked at an American art school in Paris and helped get me an interview to teach several months after I arrived. I became an adjunct faculty member and earned a little bit of money, basically to pay for groceries and diapers. In that first year, I also had a couple of photo shoots for The New York Times through contacts I had back in the U.S. But it was very slow going. I shot a piece for The New Yorker in 2019 and that’s when things started to change.
At what age did you leave? Looking back, was that too soon or too late?
I was newly thirty. I spent my twenties in Chicago, and I'm going to spend my thirties in Paris. Not a bad life, I know! It was the right time, yes. I would say that if you move to a new place, even within the United States, it takes about three years to establish yourself. And it took me exactly three years to establish myself in Paris, and then people started to take notice. That’s something people need to accept about moving. Anything worth doing is going to be hard. Otherwise, everyone would do it.
When did you know you'd made the right [or wrong] call?
It’s been a gradual realization over the past few years and very tied to the place I am in my life, generally. I'm 37 now. I've had two children. And when I look at my career now over the last handful of years, I feel that I’ve achieved my goals–not only in Paris, but in my life. I think being based in Paris has been an advantage for my work. And after a while, I began to secure larger clients and more substantial jobs. I didn’t have to cobble together little projects to make a living. At one point, you think maybe it’s just luck. But then the next year comes along, and you do okay. Same thing the following year. Ultimately, it’s the result of hard work. In photography, like many creative pursuits, there are high and low periods, and you do have to deal with those. But I see these moments now as seasons.
This past winter season, I read a lot. I wanted to learn more French, but it didn't happen.
What does Paris offer you that your native home couldn’t and, perhaps, still can’t?To live in a Metropolitan city with children. I didn't do it, obviously, in Chicago, but I can't imagine having to do it there. I have a few friends who are raising kids in Chicago and it's very difficult. Here, our daycare is a block away. When we were first starting out, daycare was on a sliding scale. We were earning next to nothing so when our first child, Noah, was born, we paid 50 euros a month for daycare. That’s definitely not what we pay now but it was crucial at the beginning. Plus the healthcare and school system, which everyone mentions. There are also four different parks that we go to within an 800-metre radius of our apartment, some even closer. I like that we can be part of a community with other people our age raising kids in the city.
And another big advantage here is the life-work balance. I love that I can work super hard but in other moments, be a lazy bum and just sit around at cafés, and no one second-guesses you. It’s not a constant hustle, no one asking “what’s next?” I can breathe easier.
Can you share any anecdotes about your highest and lowest moments in Paris?
My highest moments in Paris were the birth of my boys, Noah and Gabriel, of course. But separate from them, there’s one moment that is super important to me and my integration in Paris. There’s a bar called Le Chiquito on rue Ménilmontant that I started going to after my mandatory French lessons when I moved to Paris. A friend who knows I love to play billiards took me one day because it has a small English pool table. It started to become a little ritual. After my French lessons, I’d go have a beer, do my homework, and play a little pool. After a few months, the owner, Albas, asked for my name and who I was. And then we started playing together. I spoke no French, he spoke only French, and yet it worked. He acknowledged my existence distance, not as a stranger, but as a person. And for me, that was huge.
The lowest was missing my sister's wedding. Within the first six months of moving here, we had no money. Noah was just born, and things were tight. I felt like I couldn’t go to the wedding. For some reason, I thought I had to bring the whole family, but I should have just gone myself. It's one of the moments I'll always regret. One of the hardest aspects of living abroad is seeing your family grow and change from a distance. I’ve never liked talking on the phone. I like sitting down with someone and interacting. Obviously, that’s next to impossible when you live apart.
Are there aspects of American life that you long for?
Number one, I miss Mexican food. I lived in a neighborhood called Pilsen in Chicago that was known for its Mexican restaurants, bars, and art. 18th street was filled with taquerias. I also miss American pool culture, it’s very unique. Just walking into a bar or pool hall and picking up a game with random people, maybe making a bet for a beer. It’s far more serious in France. There’s a different energy.
What book or movie do you most associate with the American experience abroad?
I grew up watching Amélie, Midnight in Paris, and Godard but I never imagined myself in Paris so I didn’t make that connection. But recently, I had an ankle injury and I was laid up for a month. After a while, I was tired of watching films so I picked up a few books since I had a lot of time to read. I had never read Hemingway. I started with The Old Man and the Sea and then The Sun Also Rises, which I loved. I couldn’t put it down. It's not a connection to my life, but it relates more to how I see characters in my life in Paris. They come in and out of our lives. It really opened my eyes to seeing people I meet, even briefly, as characters in my own expat story.
If you had to narrow it down to one, what is the greatest lesson living abroad has taught you about yourself and the world?
Life speeds up greatly, especially beginning in your thirties. So I’ve learned to really take the time and slow down and appreciate it. I can’t believe I’m in my eighth year of living here and my son is turning seven and my youngest is a year old. I see that it’s not only okay but necessary to pause, to experience the greatness or sadness within your life. In a big city, you have to really remind yourself to do it.
Have you ever considered going back? (Why or why not)
In the beginning, yes, but not in a very serious way. It was more a response to feeling tired– of not yet having friends, of hunting for work, of finding my place. They were just thoughts when I was feeling down but that has less to do with Paris, itself.
For those contemplating leaving the U.S., what do you suggest they consider most about the decision?
If you're not independently wealthy, what are you going to do for work? It’s unrealistic to think you can just up and come on a whim and you'll figure it out– legally. Make sure you have a plan and the financials worked out or you may run out of money very quickly.
Click here to read all previous Leaving America questionnaires. If you think a friend would enjoy The New Paris Dispatch, gift subscriptions are available here.