Leaving America Questionnaire #8
Jessie Kanelos Weiner, visual artist and author, Vincennes
What drives Americans to leave home and settle elsewhere? That question has been on my mind for many years. This series, Leaving America, seeks to uncover the multitude of reasons and lessons learned—beginning with Americans in Paris. The questionnaire that follows will be the same for each guest. NOTE: want access to the insightful takeaways at the end? Become a paid subscriber. It also gives you full access to this newsletter’s archives!
Shortly after the visual artist Jessie Kanelos Weiner moved abroad 15 years ago, her whole family did the same. Watercolor has been both the creative expression to document that experience and a tool through which she has processed the various phases of her life in France: intrepid college grad/ lost foreigner in Paris / artist-author / mother / comedian. Her new book, Thinking in Watercolor, encourages readers to consider doing the same. It’s a 30-day masterclass in the art of using watercolor to tell their own stories— something she works on with students during her watercolor classes (more on that here). Below, an abridged, non-watercolor version of Jessie’s story.
Where was the last place you lived in the U.S.?
I had a few stints in Ohio and New York before moving to Paris "indefinitely" when my French husband and I got married. I was born and raised on the North Side of Chicago.
Did you intend to leave permanently or was the move temporary?
I first moved to Paris in 2008. I've always known I was an artist and that my life and career wouldn't have a linear path. I had a year before I had to start paying off my student loans so I felt like it was the time in my life to travel with no strings attached. I found a job as an au pair and moved to Paris as soon as possible.
I never really anticipated being here for so long, especially since the first years were super difficult. You have to prepare yourself to be a big fat nobody when you move to France (or any country, really). Your identity completely starts over. Here, you have to find your place and reason for staying.
Was there a pivotal moment when you knew your life would be best pursued elsewhere?
Meeting my now-husband was a big moment. He's an artist/photographer and I had never really been around real artists before. He showed me a side of Paris I couldn't otherwise access.
What sort of financial consideration did the move require, even if as a student initially? Does one need a plump savings account to make this work?
Circa 2008, I had about $200 in my checking account thanks to graduation gifts. Although it's not for the faint of heart, working as an au pair is a decent set-up considering your housing and basic needs are covered. My parents couldn't support me financially, so I had to figure it out on my own. I had a credit card back in the day to pay for flights and other big-ticket items. But the first couple of years after I finished my time as an au pair were tight, being here illegally. I was earning so little as an English teacher and babysitter while also paying off my student loans in the States. (I moved back indefinitely in 2011.)
At what age did you leave? Looking back, was that too soon or too late?
I left when I was 22. I moved back and forth for a few years but didn't really feel any draw to the States anymore. I missed having lazy weekends and affordable access to culture. My whole family also moved abroad around the time I did so I had no guilt trips pulling me back home.
When did you know you'd made the right [or wrong] call?
I am the mother of a 5-year-old boy. The birthing process was wonderful and practically free here in France. Some highlights include free acupuncture and prenatal therapy. I was able to return to work when he was 4 months old because of the terrific French daycare system. I didn't feel like being a mother has had a big hit on my career or identity because of the social safety net.
What does Paris offer you that your native home couldn’t and, perhaps, still can’t?
Cultural currency. Whenever I return to the States, people say, "I like your art." I always want to ask, "can you be more specific?" French people celebrate beauty and culture here and can speak openly about it. You can find this in the U.S. as well, but it's rare if you're not in a big city.
Can you share any anecdotes about your highest and lowest moments in Paris?
The first years were brutal. I tried to go back to school, but it was nearly impossible to get accepted into one. I studied intensively for a year to try to get into the Ecole de Louvre. I finished my exam and turned it in and the person accepting it said, "you did this in pencil. You are automatically disqualified."
Highlight-wise, I’ve been performing stand up comedy in French the past couple of years. I had a gig in an LGBTQA+ bar in Paris in July last year, right before the election news that France wasn't swinging to the far right. The news was revealed right before I went on stage and it prompted a complete energy shift. It was absolutely jubilant celebrating amongst other people who were afraid for their safety and livelihoods. I prepared to sing, "Maybe This Time" from Cabaret with sombre undertones, but it morphed into pure joy. I'll never forget it.
Are there aspects of American life that you long for?
I miss having real roots. Starting a family has helped me plant them here, but there's nothing like seeing friends you've known your whole life. Some things are just easier in the States. Sometimes, I call Chase Banks so someone will be nice to me.
What book or movie do you most associate with the American experience abroad?
I don't know. But I'd love to write one.
If you had to narrow it down to one, what is the greatest lesson living abroad has taught you about yourself and the world?
The power of language. In my lost early years, I thought I was a total loser just hanging out in Paris without job prospects. But I was putting in the time to learn French. I didn't speak a lick upon arrival, and I learned through total immersion. I like to compare learning a language to drawing. There's a brick wall that gets knocked down through regular practice. Sure, you can move to Paris and it will be perfectly nice. It's easy to gentrify yourself into a certain “expat” existence here, but it takes courage, perseverance, and time to integrate fully. But if you don't speak French, you can only access a quarter of the richness of what the country can offer you. Since I learned fluent French independently, I accept that my grammar is far from academic, but I can get on perfectly fine socially and professionally. You don't need to master everything; start where you are and practice regularly.
“Prepare to be humbled. If you really want to live here, you need to learn the language and commit to making it work for yourself.”
— Jessie Kanelos Weiner
Have you ever considered going back? (Why or why not)
No, at this point I'm wrecked. I'm too French to ever go back. Especially since I work as a freelancer and have a kid, I literally have nothing in the States.
For those contemplating leaving the U.S., what do you suggest they consider most about the decision?
Prepare to be humbled. If you really want to live here, you need to learn the language and commit to making it work for yourself. France is all about rules. Once you know and understand them, you can start improvising. But consider yourself a guest of this country and commit to making it your own.
Click here to read all previous Leaving America questionnaires. Follow
on Substack and order her book!
Jessie here. Since I learned French on my own through total immersion, I think it's more about learning while speaking in the wild and not obsessing over grammar and being perfect. Language is like drawing where you just have to trust the process.
Lovely!