Leaving America Questionnaire #5
Dan Shamir, tax advisor and attorney, Paris 19th arrondissement
What drives Americans to leave home and settle elsewhere? That question has been on my mind for many years. This series, Leaving America, seeks to uncover the multitude of reasons and lessons learned—beginning with Americans in Paris. The questionnaire that follows will be the same for each guest.
As a kid growing up in the Philadelphia suburbs, I never would have imagined that I’d be living abroad nor that one of my school friend’s siblings would one day look me up when she moved to Europe. We got to know each other and before long, she was introducing me to her cousin, Dan, who had moved to Paris. That’s a roundabout way of saying he and I were both in Paris for years before meeting, both went through unstable starts to our careers, and both figured “it” all out—eventually. He is one of only a handful of people in my life with a corporate job (my husband is another) and the only lawyer! Read about his path to Paris.
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Where was the last place you lived in the U.S.?
I last lived on a permanent basis in San Diego, CA, where I finished my Master of Laws in Tax. I was in transit for about five months between Boston and New York while I waited for my work permit to come to France.
Did you intend to leave permanently or was the move temporary?
It depends on how you define “permanently.” When I arrived in Paris in 2013, I had no idea how long I would survive here, starting my career as a very junior, very American attorney at a very French law firm. I was made to understand very quickly that the only reason my CDI was confirmed was that my bosses pitied me for waiting so long for my titre de séjour, coming all the way to France just to be forced to go home after a few months. Needless to say, there were many signs I missed that my move should have been temporary. But, the months turned to years, and here I am, still kicking!
Was there a pivotal moment when you knew your life would be best pursued elsewhere?
Growing up in the Boston suburbs as a 1.75 generation immigrant from Israel, at a time when the suburbs were much more provincial, with a dad with a strong accent and a weird middle name, I never truly felt at “home” where I grew up. I first felt an attachment to Paris when I visited with my high school German club (on the way to Austria and Germany). I remember seeing a homeless person pulling down his pants and reading a newspaper while doing his business on the street in broad daylight and I immediately thought that the city was a droll mix of highbrow and lowbrow. Although I would not enjoy the same experience as much today, I’d say my initial impression has held all these years later.
What sort of financial consideration did the move require, even as a student initially? Does one need a plump savings account to make this work?
I arrived in Paris for my first real job (39k euros gross annually as a lawyer—definitely some sticker shock there) with some savings from having worked some odd jobs (doc review, outreach for planned parenthood) and from selling most of my stuff (car, mattress, etc.). When I first tried to get an apartment and they asked for a year’s worth of rent as a caution (guarantee), I knew I would be in trouble financially. I ended up finding a roommate situation that worked, and with some crafty negotiation, I was able to provide just two months rent as a guarantee and avoid putting up many thousands of euros that I didn’t have. At the time, the exchange rate was much worse (1.3-1.4 EUR to USD, or .6-.7 USD to EUR), so the financial consideration was important. My parents helped me out the first two or three months when I had a lot of administrative and housing expenses. If you are moving here for a job, I would recommend at least two months rent in savings because you won’t get paid until the end of your first month (I was not aware that salaries were paid every month, not every two weeks like in the U.S.).
At what age did you leave? Looking back, was that too soon or too late?
I arrived in France just shy of my 27th birthday. I wish I had arrived a few years earlier; 25 I think would have been a good age. 27 was too close to 30, when you are expected to be a bit more of an adult in France (hence why that is a big birthday year). My mid-twenties would have given more time for fun (especially with a very demanding career to start).
When did you know you'd made the right [or wrong] call?
I didn’t have any particular desire to study law in Paris so much as I wanted to be in Paris and tax law travels well. So I knew I made the right call when I passed the French bar (on the second try). Had I failed it a second time, I would have probably gone back to the States. Although I was already barred in California, passing the bar in France was the sign that I could truly integrate here from a professional and from a language standpoint. I was certainly traumatized by almost getting fired at the end of my trial period. I needed to prove to myself and all the other lawyers at my law firm that I belonged here.
What does Paris offer you that your native home couldn’t and, perhaps, still can’t?
Cheap amazing wine, unpasteurized cheese, and healthcare. Nine weeks paid vacation. Time is the only thing money can’t buy (unless you are wealthy enough not to need to work).
Can you share any anecdotes about your highest and lowest moments in Paris?
My highest moments have been the births of my two children, getting married, and getting sworn into the French bar. I also have fond memories of my first summer here (before almost getting fired), where I could play basketball after work under the late summer sun (though, as I would learn later, I should have been working). That first summer was truly amazing— having the time to discover all the city had to offer, all the cinema en plein air, both at La Villette and Parc de la Butte-du-Chapeau-Rougee. At the time, Vélib wasn’t a big thing and the pollution was bad, but I loved using those bikes to get around everywhere. To this day, I prefer biking over taking the metro. Now, thanks to Anne Hidalgo, I no longer have a thin film of pollution coating my mouth after longer trips.
The lowest moments were the first few months of intense loneliness. I moved here completely alone. I only had my host mom from studying abroad as a reference. When I arrived, my French was not as good as it is today. When I would go to lunch with my French colleagues, I spent most of the time sitting in silence, trying painfully to follow the discussions rife with argot and with sometimes difficult accents (Toulousain or Marseillais or Belge). I understood quickly why we say, “paying attention,” because I was completely broke at the end of each day. My first year here was “the year without laughter,” as I wasn’t good enough in French to understand any jokes, and lacked the appropriate context and timing to hit the delivery on any of my own jokes. Friday nights, I would come home exhausted from the week, and I would either stay home trying to study French and resting for work on monday or drag myself out, usually by myself, to meet people. When I moved here, dating apps weren’t really a thing. I remember my roommates at the time looking at me shocked when I would try to use Tinder.
French people, at least then, had their friends from childhood and that was that. As my French wasn’t good, the novelty of hanging out with an American usually wore off pretty quickly. Expat life was hard too, as it is very transitory. Most of the expats I met my first year were gone six months later. Eventually, I was able to meet others through Meetup, which got me through the tough first year, and eventually made some friends through basketball, work, and going out.
Also, bureaucracy has been a beast here. My request for a carte vitale was lost at first (obviously, I was not notified), so I had 1.5 years of feuilles de soin collected by the time I finally got it. It also took me four years of back and forth with the administration to get my French nationality (I got married and had two kids over that period).
Are there aspects of American life that you long for?